Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
