im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
