He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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