Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Rumble strips road head = magical
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
