No stitches, just platelets and will power
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
