I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
