I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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