I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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