Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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