how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
