OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
