You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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