just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
