So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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