You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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