Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
