R you on birth control?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..