Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.