finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
