It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm