I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF