Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'll alert the authorities

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  (513): someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet (330): I'll alert the authorities http://tfl.nu/v6wq
  Replies (8) Good night (1319) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak

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  (952): I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak http://tfl.nu/wxhv
  Replies (29) Good night (849) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.

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  (571): i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms. http://tfl.nu/yba6
  Replies (21) Good night (6071) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat

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  (813): just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat http://tfl.nu/dslu
  Replies (36) Good night (635) Bad night (4717)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid

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  (478): tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid http://tfl.nu/h4uf
  Replies (9) Good night (3494) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name

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  (571): I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name http://tfl.nu/x94s
  Replies (24) Good night (6215) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.

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  (630): my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out. http://tfl.nu/fs1q
  Replies (15) Good night (1256) Bad night (4729)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.

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  (410): Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on. http://tfl.nu/o94m
  Replies (15) Good night (4557) Bad night (1299)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.

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  (859): That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka. http://tfl.nu/6iko
  Replies (1) Good night (1480) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time

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  (724): Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time http://tfl.nu/5zkl
  Replies (4) Good night (478) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle

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  (484): My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs (610): I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle http://tfl.nu/o9xz
  Replies (13) Good night (2671) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"

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  (312): We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?" http://tfl.nu/n4cr
  Replies (10) Good night (568) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.

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  (405): Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again. http://tfl.nu/vkin
  Replies (2) Good night (688) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.

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  (814): I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible. http://tfl.nu/cmea
  Replies (1) Good night (481) Bad night (206)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU

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  (518): ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU http://tfl.nu/vr1a
  Replies (11) Good night (515) Bad night (245)

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