Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.

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(217): View more from Illinois

if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life

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(847): View more from Illinois

Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(562): View more from California

I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.

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(559): View more from California

Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.

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