I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin