So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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