dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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