dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
