Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
