It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
