On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
