Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
