Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
