I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
