Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
