Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i've created a new STD.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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