like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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