i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The best revenge is premature balding
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
