I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
