i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
