fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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