At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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