Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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