Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass

Fav 14 4152 1304
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(517): View more from Michigan

Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you

Fav 22 5550 954
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(865): View more from Tennessee

I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.

Fav 15 5550 1164
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(502): View more from Kentucky

We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.

Fav 3 2381 795
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.

Fav 4 1399 886
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(601): View more from Mississippi

This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!

Fav 11 1595 848
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(778): View more from British Columbia

She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.

Fav 5 655 1167
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(972): View more from Texas

You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted

Fav 0 561 335
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(515): View more from Iowa

If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean

Fav 0 84 7
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