Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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