I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
porn star boner night. come get it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
