dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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