That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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