We won't sleep together?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
