i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
