Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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