I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
