She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
