she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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