kristin has been a bad kristin
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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