You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
