Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
