Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it was like eating out sand paper
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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