The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
