yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
