I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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