Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it glows. i had to have it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
