I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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