i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He shit in the fireplace
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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