the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
