I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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